Stood Up

So after around 6 years of online dating, I just got stood up for the first time.

It took an hour out of my life, but I’m sure I’ll remember it for much longer than that.

I’d exchanged some funny messages back and forth over BlackBerry (BB) messenger with this girl. I didn’t have her number, just the free instant messenger over BB. I let her know I was only after friendship.. because well, I was already dating 2 girls and I was finding that hard enough to juggle emotionally (turns out I’m fairly shit at being a playboy.)

It was a beautiful Sunday and I was really jonesin’ for some beer or cider in the sun. Spring had finally sprung and summer was just around the corner.. it was time for a new beginning and I could finally get over those memories of the summer just past, that were just as beautiful as they were painful.

She said she was up at state library on the grass. She was Asian and well, everyone around there is Asian, so there wasn’t really any way I could spot her even if I had carefully examined her photos. I got there and msg’d her saying I was the fat guy who was 40kg heavier than my pic, and in one of those disabled buggies for turbo fatties. Also to come get me at the statue right in the middle since she was Asian and everyone was Asian, so I couldn’t find her.

I walked up to the statue and paced around. I kept my BB in my hand, should I get a message.

5 minutes passed and I was finding it hard to maintain my kind of “pleasant” face. I hate waiting around for people to meet them for the first time, since I can’t stand around with a scowl. I have to look normal. Ish. After greeting them, it’s fine because I can tune into their energy and build the experience from there. But people always tell me I generally look angry or surly. Either that or I’m smiling like an idiot whilst laughing like a schoolgirl. There isn’t really an in between, but I try to hit somewhere in the middle while standing around waiting at this point so I still look approachable.

I looked at my phone. No reply.

BB messenger has this feature that says if your message has just been “Delivered” or actually “Read” by the recipient. The message had been read.

As I was walking around the statue slowly, I started to realize. “I’m being stood up. Wow.”

I msg’d her and said I was going to Cho Gao for a beer since she was AWOL, and left.

Technically I lied. I went to Cho Gao and ordered a cider. I sat down alone and tried to come to terms with what had just happened.

I knew I couldn’t take this personally because well, she didn’t know me. My only assumption is she saw me and wasn’t interested. Not sure why since I’m not anything approaching ugly enough not to want around as a friend and I’d already conveyed a good sense of humour. I was wearing my new pair of Levi 527′s that made my butt look great (low-cut bootleg, what a revelation!) along with my best shirt. I don’t think my energy was off either, since the gorgeous girl I’d been lying in bed with all morning kept telling me how hot I looked. I also couldn’t have been conveying some desperate need for sex – even via posture, since well, I’d already gotten some action that day.

I knew I couldn’t be angry with her, or message her saying she was inconsiderate, rude or whatever else. I couldn’t message her and say “how could you do this to me? why?” because, what was the point? Come off as a psycho? Sure, I just wanted to understand why, but fuck.. (hehe, buttfuck) whats the point?

I’m basically stuck. I can’t say anything. I just have to delete her contact info.

As narcissistic as I am, I can’t say “she missed out big time.” That’s pointless. The thing was, I was only after friendship. For reals this time. For really real reals.

I just find it hard to understand why somebody would stand somebody up. Somebody that looked like me anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a late canceller, and I’ve ditched dates after an hour or so, even making out with some because I felt sorry for them. But never stood up.

So much for good karma hey?