Jesus Doctor Who’ing Christ

Father, I have a confession.

I quit my job a few months ago and I haven’t had much to do. I ran out of TV shows to watch. I’ve watched every episode of Bottom at least 6 times. On top of that, THREE WHOLE seasons of 24 (man, Season 8 Episode 22 ROCKS!) and even that FlashForward show that just got axed.

Meanwhile my girlfriend was nagging me to watch the new Doctor Who episodes with her, but it was established I needed to see the original remake/new series first. I started watching them and well.. I didn’t stop.

I had so many other options.. Lost, Heroes, House.. never seen a full episode of any of them. Even Futurama, which I watched religiously for the whole of 2008, I could have revisited that in preparation for its June 2010 return.

But no.

Sure, at first it was ok.. I was just watching it with my girlfriend, wondering how many golf balls I couldfit in Billie Piper’s mouth. Then, I found myself feeling unpure thoughts like, I like Doctor Who – and as if that wasn’t bad enough, I found myself thinking I liked one Doctor more than another.

2 months ago, Doctor Who was just something I heard Ricky Gervais make fun of in his podcasts. Now, I’m one of those guys that gets 15% of the Doctor Who (DW) references. I ran into these two dykes (yeah, one is thin and attractive, the other is fat and mannish) that live in my building the other day and ended up talking to them about DW. They admitted they were total DW nerds. I was only 1 season in, and I liked the older dude more than the new guy, David Tennant (pictured) – but then I got to know him. He rocked. He rocked my world. He’s a total spunkitrunks with great energy. I’d hit it no question.

Sure, I’m a geek, yeah.. but I always thought I had one up on people who watched DW in the game of life. Now.. I’ve gone down a rung.

I watched an episode of the new DW with the new Doctor Matt Smith that was kind of alright.. it was all World War 2 themed which was cool and it has some funny moments. But I compared it to David Tennant (again, pictured.. fuck I love designer stubble) and I wondered what it was missing and then I thought to myself “it needed to be more rollicking.”

Rollicking.

That is a raw, REAL thought I had.

Dictionary.com states:

Rollicking
rol·lick·ing [rol-i-king]
–adjective
1. carefree and joyous: They had a rollicking good time.
2. swaggering; boisterous.
3. people who use this word eat dick

Ok so number 3 is my addition, but seriously.. who thinks the word “rollicking” let alone thinks something needs to be MORE rollicking. What the fuck?

So anyway I teared up when David Tennant died in DW so yeah I’m a fag. But to be fair I’m sure the 2 dykes who live in my building who are DW nerds did too, and they’re all about the minge.

To try to balance it out I’ve started watching a lot of UFC fights and that UFC show Ultimate Fighter.. so much so I’ve been doing air punches and feeling like a tough guy so that has to undo some of the damage right?

Anyway there is this nerd-internet-cloud-3rd-person-chinese-whisper-random-rumour I heard which says that Matt Smith (the new Doctor) yells out “Do you love the cock?” when fucking chicks, and if they dont say “Yes” then he pulls out and sulks in another room. Seriously. Where did I hear this? well, everything you heard about sewing circles is true. They talk about anything, everything, and most of all, anything to do with your dick if you have one.

The lesson? Don’t date a chick who is in to textiles. ’nuff said.