I’ve been getting emails to a Gmail I set up in my name sporadically.. about camping and whatever other shit. Someone is like “I’ll bring cake” and other people reply to all and say “I’ll bring chips!” its like, wtf? Are these normal people? My idea of organizing a social gathering is like “see you friday” then replying later with “cbf, stayin home.”

I got one this morning, which was sent to about 25 people:

All,

Tomorrow will bring dangerous wind chill temperatures so dress appropriately!  Mark and I are working up at the church tonight as the temps are as good as it will get; feel free to join us and there is lots to do….

Regards,

Bruce

I knew it was time to take action, so I sent them the following e-mail to all of them with the image in there so they knew who they were dealing with.

From: Andrew Townsend
Date: Sat, Jan 9, 2010 at 12:48 PM
Subject: Re:
To: Brent
Cc: Bruce & Jody, Doug, Bruce, Don, Mark, Steve, Dave, Mark, Tim..

Hi,

Please remove [email] from your address books.. as it is not the Andrew Townsend you seem to think it is. I'm in Melbourne, Australia (yes ladies, single too, but not looking.)

But hey, if a nice enough girl was to come along.. why not? I mean, we all need a love interest right? Keeps things spicy! Speaking of spices.. anyone got a recommendation for what to put in an omlette? I made my first one a couple of days ago (and I'm 27, I know right!)

Back on topic, I have no godam idea why this rogue Andrew Townsend is giving out my e-mail address. First come, first served, you know what I mean? Unless you're an indigenous species/culture/race of course.. then its just a matter of who has more advanced weapons/whos bigger pricks. i.e. the British.. this Andrew isn't British is he? Is he going to get all up in my shit like I'm India, America, China, Australia.. fuck, those british went nuts now that I think about it. Well, nobody fights for the queen anymore, except those dudes in the fluffy hats.

I wonder if those guys wear the hats to clubs.. since fluffy hats are all the rage with pickup artists nowadays. Total time & cost saver there. But I guess they'd have to pay a bit in terms of dry cleaning because if you're in a smoky club, the smell is gonna stick in those hats. You know it.

Anyway good luck with your trips / camping / swinging parties / whatever it is you guys do. It's all so organized and social, it makes me sick to my godam stomach. But I'm a crazy sexually frustrated loner* with nothing left to lose.

Have a great 2010..

@



* not a virgin, I get mine, I assure you

I forwarded this to my housemate. who then read the entire e-mail.. and found questions about organizing a cleanup of snow at the church for an upcoming memorial service for somebody..

..so that swingers comment might have been out of order.

Or was it? Maybe they should take a leaf out of Peaches’ book. It’s the year 2010 people.. time to think outside the box!!