Do you earn over 100 large?

Posted on August 27th, 2009 at 00:11 under Rants

If so, I want to be your friend. And no, I don’t want your money.. unless you’re a MILF and you want to shower me in gifts for my sexual and romantic services (which as none of my ex-girlfriends will tell you, IS MONEY WELL SPENT!)

The reason I ask is according to an article on the internet by Raymond Aaron, your salary is the average of your 5 closest friends..

The Process

  1. List the 5 friends you spend most time with (not spouse, not your children)
  2. Estimate the annual income of each of these 5 friends
  3. Average these five numbers
  4. Compare this average to your own annual income
  5. Notice that your annual income is very close to the average of your five closest friends

My average was 41!! I need 2 close friends on 100k just to make that average what my ACTUAL salary is. Then another 100k chump or chumpette to actually increase it!

Out of all of my close friends, I somehow earn the most. The irony is, they were all getting degrees while I was flaking around doing my own thing for a few years (like taking 2 years off just to do eSports.) Sure, they have “job satisfaction” and don’t hate every fucking minute they spend in their place of work, but hey, I can afford to drink until I forget* about all that!

So, do you like, stuff?

  • Beer
  • Hot Chicks
  • 80′s pop
  • Me
  • Non Sequitur Comedy
  • Cheap Sexual Innuendo
  • Tolerating me being a cunt
  • Constant references to Waynes World
  • Spending money on me
  • HAVING LOTS OF MONEY
  • Oh, and looking for inner peace and happiness without using material items(??)

If you dig even 50% of the things on this list, I think we could be friends..

What Uncle Towny can bring to the table

  • My presence
  • Endless references to movies from the 80′s and 90′s
  • Lots of inappropriate statements infront of your relatives
  • Constant bitching about the smallest thing thats bothering me (like tummy aches)
  • Uhm.. body heat
  • Oh, and GOOD TIMES!!**

My contact details are on the iFAQ here. Thanks in advance***

* Admittedly, only until the alarm wakes me up the next day
** Actual good times may not match photo
*** Remember, 100k and above only! I may need to see your group certificate – also, dont be a dick!

3 Responses to “Do you earn over 100 large?”

  1. beeblecakes. writes:
    No. 1 — August 27th, 2009 at 00:17

    sometimes, you remind me of how much of a tool you can be. but, this also reminds me of many a conversation we have had.

    ps; i had a training day for a job today. feel like a coffee/ i’m so professional… wasting my diploma.

  2. Dman writes:
    No. 2 — August 27th, 2009 at 15:31

    Since I cant alienate my Facebook audience anymore since I’m not on there, I figured I’d target my only demographic left.. my friends!

  3. Nick writes:
    No. 3 — August 27th, 2009 at 23:30

    I don’t have 5 friends.

    Therefore, my income is divided by zero, therefore infinite.

    That should bring your numbers up a bit.

Leave a Reply

«
»