Here is a list of words and sayings that have originated in conversations with friends and shall henceforth be known as, the Dmantionary (its like a Dictionary except Dman-ified, geddit?)

VCR [Vagina-Cock Ratio]

A good VCR is essential to any get-together/shindig/happening. Optimally the VCR should be 1.5 or 2 Vi Jay’s for every Schlong. A broken VCR (1:1 or lots of claimed Vi Jay’s) results in an increased risk of fist fights, depression & blueballs.

“Man, the VCR is so broken”
“I know rite. It’s not like Towny’s 26th birthday, the VCR was 3.5!”

Warp Whistle = Sexual Penetrations

Visualize picking somebody up, taking them back to a room and doing weird nudie prod games. This relates to the Nintendo Entertainment System in that, you got to K-mart, size up the console and games and then want to take it home, take it out of the box and stick a cartridge into it.. potentially numerous times.

If you’re particularly skilled and your wing wang is the equivalent of Super Mario Bros. 3 – you might be able to find her Warp Whistle.

Did your date get frisky late night??
Yeah, but no Warp Whistle
At least she didn’t give you a Gorilla

Gunrack = Fail

Based on telling a joke about how a hand is a gunrack infront of Annabel, and she didn’t get it (which isnt uncommon for her, sure) but as such resulted in an epic display of fail with me having my elbow on my hand. It also gets high rotation due to the references to the scene in Waynes World.

Nutch = *

Kind of like Red Dwarf’s “Smeg” – a do-it-all word for swearing. Technically either a woman’s festy vi jay, or something around the taint area. Either way, “suck my nutch” applies.

Nutch me? Nutch you!

Nicky Clarke = Hot

Based on Season 2 of The Mighty Boosh, Episode 1 with “Nickly Clarke, hottest you can get..”

“Smell’s Like Bhudda’s Tears”

The smelling equivalent of “tastes like chicken” – happened on a visit to T2 with Claire.

“She gave me a Gorilla”

Means that you received no sexual gratification at all.

Housemate: Heeeeeey lover boy, get lucky last night???
Me: I gave her a handjob and she gave me a Gorilla
Housemate: Wow, thats tight

Nappo

A totally sweet nap, especially when you really cant squeeze it into your schedule.

MCR = Make-shift Cock Ring

I’ll tell you when you’re older.

NGZ = No Go Zone

Long-term friends of friends are usually in the NGZ when it comes to threesomes, or simple twosomes.

“We should totally get a threesome going with your friend Rogue.”
“Sorry dude, NGZ.”

Pulling a Towny

Taking a day off of work or school, usually to have a huge Nappo.

Dude did you go to work today?
Nah man I pulled a huge Towny

“Why don’t you go kiss the DJ?”

Busted by Claire whenever I declare my love for a song that just came on in a club.. originated at ANBC28K at Fad Gallery when the pseudo-goth DJ played 3 Depeche Mode songs in a row for me so I bought her a drink and kissed her on the cheek. Seriously, no jury would convict me.

“Tell it to the Judge..”

Used whenever someone offers a lame excuse/justification for being shit and/or a cunt.

T.O. = Towny Original

Something that Towny believes he made up or subconsciously stole from someone/thing else. But if you buy into the whole idea of a collective consciousness, how does anyone really steal from anyone? (My shit is still copyrighted people, as per the bottom of the page.)

Where did you get “cuntballs” from?
That’s a T.O.

Cuntballs

A saucier version of “fiddlesticks.”

Dream Woman

DestroyX AKA Amelia Arsenic from Australian industrial band Angelspit.

Japanese? Check
Has excellent English elocution? Check
Likes Industrial music? Check
Wears smoking hot goth outfits? Check
Is smoking hot? Check
Is younger than me? Check
Creative? Check
Talented? Check
Cool Person? Unknown.. but she’s so awesome in other ways, I’m sure I’d compromise.

TSH = Towny Sleepy Handjob

TSH is when Towny falls asleep whilst giving a handjob. Usually due to drinking too much but also due to not getting enough sleep, probably due to a non-TSH the night before at 4am.

Dude you fell asleep playing with me, then woke up 2 minutes later and kept going as if you hadn’t stopped
Yeah, thats a TSH. You’re lucky I woke up!

Porno Mags

General purpose filler word, can be used in response to anything, or to fill dead space.

What do you feel like for dinner?
Porno Mags

Outré

This is its literal definition – Highly unconventional; eccentric or bizarre; out there. Bolstered into high vernacular rotation thanks to Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace.

That thing about vagina prioritization was pretty outré Andrew..

KMFDMAN

Kein Mitleid Fur Dman – German, when translated “No Sympathy for Dman” – Conceived by Nick, based on my love of german industrial pioneers KMFDM.

Dman: I don’t know what to make my MySpace URL man.. Dman and Demanufacturer are taken
Nick: What about kmfDMAN?
Dman: I knew I kept you around for something..

Manbag

The Manbag is Dman’s Handbag.

Typical Contents:

• 5 Mini Sharpies
• Lighter
• Gum
• Tissues
• Condoms
• Hairspray
• Hair Product
• Painkillers
• Book
• Manbrella [Umbrella]
• Mini Hand Sanitizer
• Spare Headphones

Nintendowned

Ownage with a throwback to the Nintendo age. Not this Wii-age bullshit, the hardcore shit, NES and SNES. Powergloves & Donkey Kong.

Wench

A lot of people think Wench is an insult. Believe me. I’ve called a many a girl a wench and well, it didnt go down so well.. and when i say “it” didnt go down, I mean “they.”

Definitely a term of endearment, a wench is a lady who:
- Is easy on the eye
- Is witty enough to put you in your place from time to time
- Is reliable & cares enough to stick around after you get messy on 18 beers

Main Squeeze

Your main wench at any given time, i.e. the one that has touched your penis the most within the last 7 days.

Quit jerkin muh pickle

Originated in Texas when we were at some burger-house and they listed gherkins, what we usually called pickles back down under.. and realized it would screw up the “Quit jerkin muh gherkin” line.

Strange

What you doing tonight man?
Might go out and find some Strange

Fappy Roach

This is a reference to Papa Roach. Ask me over a beer sometime, but be warned, it involves my cock. That said, if you have an IQ over 75, you probably figured that one out on your own.

Hindsight is Twenty-Trammy

Was in the car with Claire once and a tram went past.. but she waited for ages and she could have gone, and said “I should have gone before that tram” to which I replied “Hindsight is Twenty-Trammy!!” and probably slapped my thigh afterwards, revelling in my own brilliance.

Foreplay

Putting on the condom.

Jean-Claude Van Doms

Doms is Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. Jean-Claude Van Doms is when you feel like you’ve woken up after doing a few rounds with Chong Li. Ouchies.

Cuddle Bitch

The dude that a chick cuddles/spoons with because her actual boyfriend isn’t giving her the affection she needs.

PULP

Pulp is the “Professional Unified Language Policy” implemented manually by people on works instant messenger, to replace words like “fuck” or “cunt” or “fuckcunt” and also to allude to jokes about WW2, roofies, and anything else that shouldnt be thought let alone typed and logged in a server somewhere for Human Resources to punch out one day and then escort you out of the building.

Cleaning Drunk

Where you knock back a few drinks to lessen the tedium of cleaning the house.

Dude, I’m so getting cleaning drunk tonight.. bathroom is way overdue

Non Sequitur