Dman’s Letter to Obama

I realized something the other day.. now that I have a blog, my opinion suddenly counts. So how better to flaunt my new-found fame than by sending a letter to O-Unit?

Sup O-Dizzle?

Grats on the new job man, fuck.. well done. Talk about overcoming the odds.. this is bigger than that time I managed to lose my virginity. 

I hate to call in a favor man, but do you remember when I made a mental note to myself in my head that if I was in America and an American and on the register, I would vote for you? Well, you can return the favor by appointing me Chief of Awesomeness or something cushy like that with a lot of hot PA's in miniskirts. It's called reciprocity, dude.

Did you know we're both left handed? I know rite! I was lying in bed one night and I was so pumped I wanted to know if you were a Gemini so I got up and looked it up on Wikipedia.. but ur not. Thats ok though, I still love ya. Left handers rule man.. did you know Hitler was left handed? He kinda hurt the whole left-handed greatness thing, but hey, theres always a couple of bad eggs around huh? Plus what happens in Germany stays in Germany.. at least, thats what I tell myself after visiting that club over there. Who knew reconstructive surgery cost so much? Fuck me.

My mum actually wrote some shit in her thesis about left-handers.. apparently a large majority of lefty shielas she surveyed were checkout chicks. 

Anyway I heard ur closing Guantanimo Bay (or GITMO or something, lol. Sounds like a cool robot, GITMO 5 IS ALIVE!!!) if ur exporting any hot asian chicks or if there are any badass criminal babes that you need to send into hiding, then I can offer them asylum (I think u know what i mean by that lol.. they can asy my lum any day, yo!) I want some tough as nails chick because then I wont have to worry about protecting them at bars, which would be sweet because its hard enough as it is for a pretty young thing like me.

Hey, do you think that Harold and Kumar movie raised awareness of GITMO? I know it raised my awareness.. specifically when those girls made out at the brothel, it raised it big time. You could have opened a Ray's Tent City and stocked it with my crotch at that point!! Fuck! (Just incase you missed it, I got an erection.) Anyway that chick with black hair had a sweet rack, did you see that shit?

Man, u gotta come chill in my hizzay soon.. BYO bitches and ho's amirite? lolz. Actually can you bring some for me? I don't have any.

Also, with that $20 I borrowed last year I'll totally hook you up next week, I've just been having a rough time recently.

Best Regards,

Andrew "Dman" Townsend

From the desk of Dman, dictated but not read.