The ‘Rants’ Archive

With an iron fist I took a hold of obesity and kicked its ass so hard it now has to shit through its mouth.. and it only took me 5 years! Back in 2005, I weighed 135kg. On the Body Mass Index (BMI) that’s MORBIDLY OBESE! Which ironically, doesn’t give you any cred in Melbourne’s [...]

After a grueling Saturday of impromptu coffee dates and Street Fighter 4, I made my way out to Claire’s house for pre-drinks. It was a belated birthday celebration with a bunch of her friends, and we were going to head into Black Widows, a goth/industrial club in Melbourne’s CBD. I boarded at Parliament and quickly [...]

If so, I want to be your friend. And no, I don’t want your money.. unless you’re a MILF and you want to shower me in gifts for my sexual and romantic services (which as none of my ex-girlfriends will tell you, IS MONEY WELL SPENT!) The reason I ask is according to an article [...]

…away. It was Friday night and I’d gotten a call out of the blue to meet up with two women that I’d had various relations with. Those relations had ended in a turbo clusterfuck (they are best friends) and the call was for the hand-off of goods, as I had one of the girls DVD [...]

I was in the shower one day and I started getting these hilarious ideas for things to put in an online dating profile. I’m pretty sure I was laughing to myself at the time, which wasn’t a good thing since it’s never good to laugh when you’re naked and in earshot of someone (in this [...]

In my life I’ve been on 3 dates where the chick has walked out on me. As in, we’re in a public place, I say something, and they grab their shit and leave. I tweeted this a few weeks ago and I’m still getting people asking me what happened, so here’s the rundown to save [...]

But how will you find people to have sex with? – Dani It’s true. I’m cutting out Facebook, MySpace, Twitter & Online Dating(!!!) websites for 2 whole months starting on 21/07/09. It’s kind of an experiment to see what will (or wont) happen in my life. What I’m keeping: – Email – Flickr (for the [...]

Since I’m so topical (in the literary sense, not the creamy anti-discharge fungal infection sense) I thought I’d cover the MySpace vs Facebook debate.. or as I like to call it, My Dick vs My Brain. In my experience, MySpace (my dick) is for looking at and then meeting attractive people you wouldn’t otherwise meet [...]