Some random hour.
Alcohol consumed..
Pedestal Truckie in mind…
Claire wouldn’t turn the key to launch the nukes*

* nukes totes got launched

• Gay corporate style haircut
• Close shave once a week
• Only social drinking (limit 4)
• Additional general sharpness*

* Keep out of reach of children

If you cant figure out what to do after that truth nugget.. you’re probably more fucked up than that chick I banged* last week.

* NOTE TO SELF: When they tell you they like to bite, TAKE HEED!

We finished 5th in the world, and it is still the only time I’ve left Australia to date. Back then I didn’t have my license and had never showed any interest in traveling.. so my mother was somewhat freaked out when I called her one day and said “I’m going to Texas in a month.”

The return trip was the first time I realized that the only good thing about leaving Melbourne is remembering how much I love it when I get back. Man, I’m so gay for this city..

Had a conversation with my dad last week, and he pointed out that I’m now in space. Apparently the earths TV signals go travel into space for an indeterminate distance.. so, there you go. Dman in Space! who woulda thunk it.

This is me at Caribbean Rollerama for Claire’s Birthday. Leave your captions in the comments.. best caption wins a case of lolz.

I’m still writing.. but in different styles. After I’m done with what I’m working on now, I’ll decide whether that will end up here or under some pseudonym somewhere else. Looking at my blog as having bipolar, I’m sure you guys only want to read the manic stuff (basically what’s here so far) rather than the depressive.

The catalyst for this slow-down was reading a post on the PhilaLawyer blog entitled The Fierce Idiocy of “New!” – it made me think about quality versus the schedule I was working to keep up.. if I work on something for a month and post it, it’s more valuable than writing 2-3 weaker pieces for my audience of 5.

Those that have been reading my blog have been really supportive and have taken the time to tell me what they think, which fucking rocks. I just want to make sure I’m serving up content that I’m actually happy with. The only problem with that is how I usually get caught up in perfectionism* leaving things unfinished..

* READ: Laziness

Not sure of the etiquette due to previously only going to gigs of industrial bands with like-minded friends, he was unsure of if it would be inappropriate to leave the group halfway through the bands short set.

“Thats when I thought, what if I walked up and pee’d on the band? The bass player looks a bit disinterested as it is, maybe this would spice things up a bit, really get the crowd going.”

Realizing he was halfway through visualizing actually walking up and peeing on the band (ignoring the high possibility of stage fright) he envisaged being hauled off stage by security, but then pondered another outcome..

“What if the band were into it?”

He then went on to explain the potential after-gig interview with the lead singer:

“At first we thought it was weird, but we kept jamming and it was just the right vibe. It was pretty cold down that side of the Tote at the time, and the pee was pretty warm since he was holding it in for so long.. it was actually kind of refreshing. We might get him to come to our future gigs, give it kind of a old school rockabilly watersports fetish vibe.. maybe bring in a new crowd.. maybe even start a new genre.”

The hypothetical ended shortly before the band finished up, after which the man promptly went and peed. He has reportedly been focusing on not thinking about releasing bodily fluids in public in future.

My friends, that is. Well, specifically, Claire.. as you can see, I got a tasty surprise for my birthday in the form of the above homage to WW2 drawings of myself and her. Pretty cool eh? So unless you’ve arranged a date with DestroyX (See “Dream Woman” in the Dmantionary) for me, you probably wont surpass this present for my 27th birthday.. that said, I’m not saying you shouldn’t try =)

A huge thanks to everyone who has left messages and SMS’s wishing me a happy birthday, it is very much appreciated.

Now, I have to go update a bunch of websites to reflect that I’m now a 27 year old virgin with erectile dysfunction.. see you all on the flip flop.

Can you believe that shit? Seriously? They must be out of their minds, up to 50% off of diamonds! Good time to buy an engagement ring.. now if only I could figure out a way to present it to that chick I’m stalking (cant mention her name, legal reasons, ya dig?)

P.S. anyone know someone who’d be interested in buying some tickets to the Gold Coast for next weekend? Fucking Jetstar and their no refunds. FUCK