2 Months of the Red Pill

“If you hear sobbing coming from my room, don’t worry, that’s just me masturbating” -Dman

So here we are.. 2 months after taking the Red Pill and I find myself almost at a loss.. what the fuck did I actually learn with after 2 months without social networks?

Initially it wasn’t that big of a deal. I still had women in my phone, and I didn’t find myself missing Facebook at all. I had “hilarious status updates” going on in my head and no way to post them.. I considered writing them down but elected not to, since there’s no point doing this if I was basically still Tweeting, albeit in my brain.

Apart from almost missing out on a friends birthday as I couldn’t log in to Facebook to check dates, it took a couple of weeks for things to actually begin to change.

Without the social networking distraction, I took a look at my life and what I have.. and that basically caused me to throw a lot of stuff, and a lot of people, away.

I’d gone on a date with one of the clusterfuck girls, the one that I liked, and it didn’t work out. But, looking back, considering I’d bedded her best friend, I don’t quite know how well I expected it to go. Well, that’s a lie. I know how well I expected it to go, since I’d turned my lava lamp on before I went out.

The other girls in my phone were either met or deleted.. if I hadn’t met them and plans fell through once, deleted.

Ex-girlfriends, deleted.

Fuck buddies, deleted.

Male friends.. (covered under fuck buddies.. NOT) almost all of them deleted.

All up, 17 numbers gone. How do I know that? I wrote down the last 3 digits of these peoples numbers so I’d know who it was calling / sms’ing. Nothing worse than a 2am SMS from an unknown number. This process was made a little easier, and I don’t know why, by having been on the tail end of the Pedestal Truckie saga, which is still going through its epilogue.

So, resetting to almost zero, reducing all of my potential contacts (I really need to get better at having pseudo/lesser friends) I was, well, more alone than I have been in a long, long time.

Filling the Void

I suddenly had more spare time, and less to focus on. Not thinking about “this or that girl” I was messaging online, or posting some hilarious status update, I read more books than I have in 6 months. To actually kill time (and relieve some stress) I bought Street Fighter 4 for my PC, which, coupled with my Kettlebell, has worked out very well.

Boags Draught also did a lot of void filling.. I found it gives me a lot less of a hangover than my beloved Coopers Pale.

As a side-note, I wish I’d known about Gmail’s drunk email filter as without RSVP one night I sent some very, shall we say, “interesting” e-mails to old contacts I never wanted to speak to again.

Base Needs

Since all the girls in my phone were either bedded or deleted, I had no options for, well, getting “it” into the “on” state, which meant when I was drunk and horny, I couldn’t revert to the old “get on RSVP” chestnut. “Does that actually ever get you laid that night?” In a word, yes.

So anyway, it was either jerk off and go to sleep, or go to the local and pick up. My drunken pickup technique is this.. go to bar, order beer, pose like a rugged studious tortured model type guy, observe which chicks are checking me out. Wait 5 minutes, order another beer, if girls checking me out haven’t come to talk to me, go over and talk to them. “Does that actually work??” More often than you’d think.

Hellish Self-Analysis

So apart from the drunken pickup, the reduction in my life caused some long overdue self-analysis. It got real, real messy. I’m still figuring this out, but I’ve made some headway. My biggest focus right now is reducing everything I own & carry. Now when I’m in a shop that has stuff I’d like, it could be a funky little statue or a print, a DVD, a computer.. I think “wow I’d like that!” for about 2 seconds, then I suddenly realize “I dont want to own anything else.” I have everything I need. More than I need, in fact.

Getting rid of a TON of junk has been liberating, but when I think about it, it reminds me of what people do before they commit suicide. Reducing what they own, getting their affairs in order, etc. I guess you could see this process as a social suicide, but only if you like to put morbid spins on things..

Cause and Effect

So, 1 week out from deadline, a lot of shit came to a head. I’d had bruised ribs so I couldn’t work out my frustration on my kettlebell.. I’d deleted, well, EVERYONE from my phone and MSN. I got an e-mail from an ex and, I caved in to my loneliness and invited her over. At least I didn’t cave and go on RSVP. Though I’m not sure which is the lesser of 2 evils.. without factoring in what society deems “normal.”

Realistically, this is what enabled me to get over the finish line. Lying in a bed of isolation you designed for yourself is pretty gaybar.. and you always find ways to bend the rules when you’re jonesin for a fix (be it alcohol, affection, sex, whatever..)

Oh yeah, I cheated..

Technically.

I logged into RSVP to get info for my RSVP post.. I didnt send messages or browse. I also logged into MySpace to check the location of a Black Widows night. Apart from that, I’ve gone on (but not signed in to) Twitter and MySpace to check out music pages (specifically, The Beards and She Wants Revenge) since they dont have/or dont update their own websites enough.

KMFDMAN Website Traffic

I was still getting hits from Facebook (somehow, my profile was deactivated..) and KFC Krush Bars. God bless those curious fried chicken lovers, even if they leave the site after 3 seconds.

Some people graciously subscribed, I got up to my highest number yet.. 12, but, squandered it by not posting anything for a couple of weeks. That self loathing bender really had no benefit, in hindsight.. seemed like a great idea at the time tho!

Summary of Changes

• I’ve lost 10kg
• I’ve deleted every girl from my phone that I’ve had, or would have, had sex with
• My MSN now only has real life friends or randoms to kill time talking to (no dating prospects)
• I’ve deleted the numbers of 90% of my male friends
• I’ve had more one night stands with chicks picked up in bars than I have at any other stage in my life
• I’m back in an existential crisis

So, What do I want back?

Facebook Nope.. even though its more popular than ever.
MySpace Yes, but really only to send messages to musicians about getting MP3′s of their shit.. and maybe for the cute emo chicks (here we go again!!)
Twitter Nope.
Online Dating Yes.. but not for its old purpose (fingers crossed I can make some new friends without fucking them.)

What did I do as soon as the 2 months was up?

Like putting on an old comfortable hoodie on a cold day.. I cracked a Coopers Green and went on RSVP.

Cheers.